Have Yourself a Merry Christmas Down Under

They're all called Bruce

This one I actually experienced. Back in the '90s my mother, sister and I lived for a year in New Zealand. When people asked, "why New Zealand?" we would mention that my grandmother lived in Australia, so we were a good deal closer. The inevitable follow up question would be: "So why not Australia?" And, well, the obvious answer was that my grandmother lived there; we're a family that likes a certain amount of closeness, but not too much.
Spending a year in New Zealand did mean a rare treat though: Christmas at Granny's in Sydney. It was my first opportunity to get to know my granny; the last time we saw each other in Calgary I was in diapers.
On the one hand, Granny's house was very familiar in a very Scottish way. On the other hand, it was very strange: It was so hot, there was no snow, and I spent a lot of time splashing in outdoor pools. So, if a white Christmas gets you down, consider a move to Oz.

Decorations

I am truly struggling with this, because to my recollection Christmas in Sydney looked very similar to every other Christmas I'd ever had; just no snow and somehow less... cozier? I mean, it was sweltering so the thought of a decoration explosion would make one claustrophobic. There were still lights on the houses, and Christmas trees decorated, but also fans and air conditioning, and potted palms. 

It's like one of those "spot the differences" pictures. (Hint: Santa has a surfboard)

Food

You can't imagine how difficult it is to resist urging you to "throw some shrimp on the barbie!" 

Actually, they're prawns

So difficult that, in fact, I didn't resist. You are definitely going to want to cook outdoors; turning the oven on in an Australian summer sounds awful. My granny's extended family ended up serving a very traditional turkey Christmas lunch, but online research is turning up recipes for cold ham, and the Aussie invention (and one of my favorite desserts): 

Pavlova

If you're going to tell me that you're not a fan of meringue, that it's too styrofoamy or marshmallowy, then I'm going to respond that you've never had a proper Pavlova. This is was invented to celebrate the ballerina Anna Pavlova's trip to Australia and is such an easy, forgiving dessert to make. Two meringue discs, whipped cream, and fresh fruit. If your meringue isn't the most beautiful thing, smooth it over with lashings of whipped cream (homemade, please; do not ruin this with spray foam!) and cut fruit. You can use almost any combination of fruit, but the classic is strawberries, kiwi, mango, and passion fruit drizzled. Try this super duper easy peasey recipe

I'm also putting in a vote for classic Aussie meat pies.

For beverages, don't stress: Have an iced cooler stuffed with beer. 

Appropriate Gifts

• A boomerang (obvi)
• Mozzie spray
• A digeridoo
• Aboriginal art which inspires a hallucinatory dream sequence
• Vegemite

• Marmite

• Tickets to a performance at the Sydney Opera House
• Boardshorts
• A surfboard
• Environmentally friendly sunscreen
• Thongs

Uh, what did you think I meant?

• The complete collection of Neighbours

I'm not even sorry

Music

Out of love for you, Dear Reader, I've shed about 45 minutes of my life listening to A Most Excellent Australian Christmas on Spotify. It is pure bush camp, with songs like "Christmas Where the Gum Tree Grows," and "Boomerang of Flowers." If you don't especially like music, or people, by all means, put this on repeat.

Otherwise, there's the international ambassador of Aussie Schmalz, Olivia Newton-John with her album, Christmas Wish

Does she not age? I'm confused

It's really not that much better.