Have Thyself a Merry Medieval Christmas

Before Kanye, there was the Duc de Berry

A merry medieval Christmas is first because, if you're going to do it, you should probably get started right now. It's not just the one day; advent began November 15th (sorry, Thanksgiving) and then the Twelve Days of Christmas starts December 25th and lasts until, er, twelve days later culminating in Epiphany or when the Three Magi finally showed up on January 6th.
If you're a member of the landed gentry, you're rather on the hook for winning, dining, entertaining, and generally impressing the pants off your distinguished guests. If you're a peasant, this time is perhaps nicer than usual: you get some free bread and ale; a chance at playing lord of the manor and bossing around the actual lord of the manor; I cannot confirm if this is consequence-free, though.
So, to get started with Advent, you will need to cleanse your manor/castle of

• red meat
• poultry
• meat products
• eggs
• dairy
• fish (except on the weekend)
• oil
• wine (except on the weekend).

On Christmas Eve you get the festive midnight mass, the first of three. But once those are out the way, it seems to be a complete explosion of food, drink, pageantry, and the odd anti-Semitic massacre.

Decoration

I'm going to assume you're a lord or lady or at least not living in a hovel. This means you have the income to grab a few cases of precious oranges and whole cloves. No, you're not going to eat them, how could you show off these rare fruits once they're in your tummy? Instead, you and your ladies will make pomanders

Special bragging rights for the use of silk ribbon.

Basically, you use the cloves to stud the orange which is then hung, or place strategically. It emits this wonderful, spicy scent which is very useful when the floor rushes haven't been changed recently. Otherwise, you'll want to bust out all your gold and silver plate and pretend like you're so wealthy you use it every day, and then put lashings of greenery everywhere!

Menu

I'm not going to lie, food in the Middle Ages sounds positively horrifying: Eel soup? Blancmange "a thick pottage of rice flour, almond milk, and ground chicken, garnished with sugar and almonds", and for your piece de resistance how do you choose between a literal boar's head or a cockentrice as in a man-made creation of a pig and chicken sewn together and stuffed with bread, eggs, liver, currants and spices? 

This Christmas, give the gift of nightmares that last well past childhood.

The drinks sound mostly familiar: Mulled wine, wassail (a hot cider spiked with booze), but this Caudell sounds a bit challenging: wine, eggs, sugar, salt, and saffron all mixed and heated up 

We come, at last to some familiar territory in the shape of plum pudding, and mince pies.

My genuine advice is to skip a few hundred years and serve your feast hall a delicious game pie.

Looks very Christmassy, and more importantly, it's not looking at you.

Appropriate Gifts

• A newly conquered realm
• Coronation of the new ruler of said realm
• A new manor and/or castle
• A moat, drawbridge, portcullis, or murder-holes to defend your new manor and/or castle
• A wife
• A husband
• All the venison recently hunted
• A kiss
• A green sash
• A longbow
• A sword
• A bolt of saffron dyed silk
• A horse; any variety will do, though try to match it with the recipient's socio-economic status
• A bushel of fine wool (if you are a peasant this is actually called "paying your taxes.")
• Shoes
• The head of a Sworn Enemy
• Beeswax candles
• A holy relic
• An illuminated book of hours
• A vision of the holy mother, Jesus, Saints Catherine, Francis of Assisi, George, Martin of Tours, Andrew, Peter, God and/or all of the above.

Music

I especially love the Album Ancient Noels. Not all of the tracks are actually from the Middle Ages; In the Bleak Midwinter was actually written in the 19th century, but others like Nowell Nowell Tidings True, and Riu Riu Chiu were actually written in Ye Older days. In both cases, the hammered dulcimer, celtic harp, and viol de gamba could make even 99 Problems sound medieval.